Some Days the Pain Just Comes Crashing Through

You may be tired of hearing me talk of Carol.  It has been a year and 5 months and sometimes it seems just like yesterday that she was here.   Last night Bill and I both had a 'moment' as we call it.  The time when missing her is so very very hard.  He was in the kitchen and i turned and looked and he was all choked up.   I of course asked 'what is wrong?' knowing the answer.    He said "I just miss her so bad."  And all I can do is hug him, tell him I am sorry, and that I love him.  And sometimes I can hug and not cry, but last night I could not.   We shared a kleenex box to wipe our tears and some of the pain away.

I went and sat in the rocker that our neighbor gave us before she was born.   When I sit there sometimes I feel her as a weight on my legs and a warm feeling on my chest.  It helps because I hear her say "it is OK momma, really...it won't be long until we are together again.   I told Bill about the feeling I get sitting in the rocker.   He did not sit there...at least not when I could see him.
 
I don't know how long it is supposed to take...maybe never.  I don't want to forget her...ever.  I am trying to write a book about Carol's life.  Some days there  is  progress and some days it is just too hard.  

We still see Cooper on occasion. And he is good to come and visit us on holidays.  I don't even know how hard it is for him.   I just ask the LORD to send him  a beautiful someone...with a spirit more special than Carol's so that the void in Cooper's life will be replaced.   And he will smile that smile of complete contentment again someday.

I got a note from my niece by marriage in Texas.  She is pregnant and expecting a little girl in September.  She said they were going to give her a middle name of Carol.   That made me smile.  And maybe someday, the tears will be gone, but she will live on in our hearts.  I see her everywhere I go.  In a sweet little baby, in a curious toddler, in the innocence of  little child looking for their momma or learning something new.  and in the passion of a young lady running up and down a basketball court, and in the lives of her friends who carry on knowing their lives were somehow made better by knowing  and loving Carol Hensley Singletary.

I love and miss you so very much Carol.  I hope you are proud of me and daddy --we are trying so very hard.   love you always and forever ...MOM.

My take on Whiners, Wimps, Weasels , and Winners in LIfe

I like to watch people and especially how they interact.  In recent days I have had several less than pleasant interactions that I have seen and those times started me thinking on some labels thatI put on people as to how they react to what life throws at them.  And I don't know if my 'getting up there in age' makes me think more in a negative mode about people or if it is really true.

One of the few shows I watch fairly regularly on TV is Survivor.   I am not sure why it is but I think the people and interactions there parallel many I have seen in real life.  Other things I like are food and sports.

Along those lines and in an attempt to 'define' for you my 'people classifications' below, I will use the categories of  Food, Sports, Survivor, and teamWORK/Livin life.  These will also be known as YUM, PLAY, MachoMan/Momma M&M, and Livin Life  LL.

So without further ado...here are Judy's People Personas:  Wimp's, Whiners, Weasels, Winners and the 'Also Ran'.  This may not be an exhaustive list but it seems to cover many of the people I have had encounters with in life  So here they are with more descriptions..see if you 'd agree....

WIMPS  -- in the YUM area, Wimps never want to eat anything new--usually just because they had one bad experience.  In the  PLAY area they show up and make a big scene and then cry when things don't go just their way.  In the M&M area they talk a big talk and never produce anything to back it up, and the Livin Life are the wimps are have no backbone, no will power, and no incentive or initiative because they are scared of what might happen.

WHINERS-in the YUM area, Whiners may try something new to eat but they wish it was hotter or colder,  bigger or smaller portions, and on  and on . In the  PLAY area they show up, talk big but are distracted from doing a good job because nothing goes to suit them.  In the M&M area whiners don;t usually get too far because their constant complaining is such a distraction and irritation for everyone else. In Livin Life the whiners are always wishing the day away thinking tomorrow will be better, but at the same time they are not willing to do much to make things better for them or anyone else..

WEASELS--As far as Food is concerned, the weasel is consumed with anything that is yummy, so don't expect them to share at all.  And if you have any thing really yummy of your own, you might want to lock it up or the weasel will make a way to steal it.  As for the weasel at PLAY, they do not make good team mates because they are always looking for an out...if the going gets rough they want to get out asap!   The thing about weasels is they are deceptive and very unreliable...they may start a task but if it requires more energy than they like they will drop out of helping.   But, sometimes in games it is good to have a weasel on your team to throw the competition off.  Weasels are usually in a decent mood as long as one of their recent ploys went as planned.  In general in M&M situations weasels should always be counted as possible road blocks or one that can easily detour your best laid plans.

 Now for the WINNERS...everyone want to be one.   Some want to be it every time.   Some Winners are team players;  some are not.  For Food, the winner can prepare a feast, eat it and never gain a pound.  For Play, people who want to be Winners will go the extra mile to help reach their goal. They push through the rough spots, and keep their heads up.   The M&M type will use all their talents and develop new ones to win.   And in Livin Life most winners are hard workers who use their resources wisely and humbly.  It is those who get to the finish line by running over everyone else in the process that are weaselly winners.  Boo hiss on them.

As we all know, we can't all be winners.  So no matter what part of life you are in, if you show up and give a good effort, you should be proud to say "I was an also ran. I may not have won but I enjoyed the Food, the Play, the Megawoman role, and the fact that I did better than those whiners wimps, and weasels along the way.  It is not always easy but it beats being a coach potato with nothing effective going into my brain".  

So that's my take on it.   I am ready to start the day and live like a winner even if I sometimes fall into those not so becoming "W" ways.  But I will warn you, if you are a wimp, a whiner, or weasel or a bad winner, get outta my way!!!   I am going to make the best of this day so I can give God glory for the blessing in this life!!!

  Judy

  4/25/14

A Poem inspired from attending the Parkinson's Unity Walk

If you didn't know it I thought I might do a little part in telling you that April is important to me because it is Parkinson's Awareness Month.   As part of that, the largest grass roots fundraising event for Parkinson's Disease is held in April in Central Park, New York City .

I have not been  to the Parkinson's Unity Walk in New York City for  several years, but did make in 3 years in a row in 2006, 2007, 2008 and it was always a very special time for me, my family and friends who joined me at the event of hope for a change in the future of all who have PD.  Usually around 10,000 people are there to encourage one another and make a statement about the continued hope foe a cure.

 The walk is also special to me because it is near, or as it is this year, on my mother's birthday.   She was my biggest supporter as I faced life with Parkinson's.   She also instilled into me a faith and courage drawn from a strong faith, hope, and love in God.    I will be thinking of and cheering on all  who will be in the walk this year.  I would like to share this poem that was inspired from the walk I attended in 2008.   I wrote this on the plane on the way back home from the walk in 2008.  

To find our more about how you can help in the fight against PD see Parkinson's Unity Walk and an article about our team the first year I did the walk along with my Jerzee PD Pal, Annie is at 2006 PUW team of Annie and Judy

I’m learning PD’s not as strong
When I face it with a heart filled with song.
And what a gift to receive… a smile, from a friend,
That helps me make it to another day’s end.

I cannot think of it all
And ignore blessings, big or small,
That come from the Father above
Who smiles down on me with kindness and love.

No matter the circumstance or place
He promises He will not hide His face…
Love, grace, and mercy He will supply
Even when we struggle and ask “why?”

Father, this road looks too hard for me
Would you send someone encouraging?
And give me strength to face each day,
With courage, hope, and faith, I pray.

For I know you are in control
Of all of me: heart, mind, and soul
Let me be a reflection of your goodness
To those around me who may be happy or in distress

I want my life to follow your plan
As I walk among my fellow man
And one day may your voice I hear
Telling me you’ve found my love for you honest and sincere

And that I am welcomed into the Heavenly place
And will spend eternity in Your love and grace!

all rights reservered 2008 Judy Hensley