So many people loved that girl and came to show us they were there for us as family and friends.Some gave us cards,and some gave us handwritten notes, some shared dreams, and some shared how much Carol meant to them. And some gave us reading materials on grief.
Since Carol died, I know there are severa lphases of grief, and there is no time table for me or anyone else to be in each phase. As one author wrote, he learned that you go in and out of phases of grief for different times. Not too encouraging but true , I think. This same author believes if you chose to let it, tragedies in our lives can transform us. Ask me and i'll tell you I'd rather be transformed by any other method.
Losing your child is just a hard thing to even get your head around and when you get to where you think you can think straight, you come to this conclusion: " It is just not supposed to happen that way. " It is one of life's bitterest pill to swallow. I know it is one of the first things I am going to forget to ask God. You are probably thinking "Judy meant to say that is the first thing she would ask GOD- why He would allow such a thing." But I feel like when I see God, I am gonna be overwhelmed to be in His presence and feel His love for me. Some of these realizations are confirmed in a book by Don Piper who experienced being in Heaven after he was in a traffic accident.
Don Piper shares in the book "90 Minutes in Heaven" about his life changing experience of being in heaven when his car was hit by a much larger vehicle and he was pronounced dead for 90 minutes. A friend who had also lost a child had recommended this book and said "If you don't read anything else, you have to read chapters 2&3, because they were about heaven and were amazing! Mr. Piper was a pastor at the time of his accident and spent 105 days in the hospital after the accident and has experienced pain almost ever since that day. In wo chapters he described a time when he was allowed a glimpse and to feel beyoud all explanation..a place so wonderful and beautiful that there are no words to adequately describe it. In 15 pages of words he describes what he saw, he felt, and he heard. It is truly awe inspiring and amazing. He said at times he did not think there were even human words to describe what he witnessed. Things he shared included: being greeted by family and friends in Heaven who rushed to greet him and sing praises the whole time.. Other emotions he speaks of are: a joyfulness that was everywhere,and how his mind could not even think of questions. There was a blissfulness and perfection to Heaven. He said his senses seemed to be so heightened and said there was unimaginable joy, excitement, warmth, and total happiness. He said colors were so vivid and dazzling,...surpassing anything he had ever seen. He said "Never, even in my happiest moments on earth , had I ever felt so fully alive." and he said no words, "could ever express the utter joy of being surrounded by all the people he loved" (in Heaven he felt more loved than ever before in his life. "Perfect Love" emanated from all those who surrounded him. He then talks about following an immense light toward a huge gate. As he looked through the gate he said he saw streets made from gold and felt he was being escorted into the presence of God.
In chapter 3 Piper speaks of Heaven and the music formed by so many singing but being able to hear every word. Now admit it, that sounds like a place you (and I) could stay forever? Don Piper said the closer he got to Heaven's portal and saw the brightest light he had ever beheld, he felt "deliriously happy" and he felt his body becoming part of the choir. And just as soon as he arrived there, he was gone. He was about to "realize the yearning of every human heart -being in heaven and about to go through the pearly gate. And then as a pastor friend was praying and singing and holding his hand, he sang along. Piper's friend could harrdly believe it and yelled "HE's ALIVE" "Come check his pulse". The EMT's were skeptical but they did check and found a pulse and realized that Piper was alive, and they proceeded to extricate him from the wreckage, 90 minutes after it happened.
I will just tell you ..as I read the two chapters of Piper's description of Heaven, I was overcome with joy, and tears flowed down my cheeks. I whaled from deep inside my very spirit. To know that Carol is there and that she could be feeling and seeing the same sights was just amazing and liberating. She has met and felt the love of family and friends who have already been singing praises for a good while (in time that we know it. What an amazing hope , it gives me to know that in a little bit of heaven's time, when I get to Heaven she will be there welcoming me and will escort me to the one who will welcome me Home......the amazing , spectacular, eternal place he promised to those who believe in Him!If you don't have this hope and this assurance, you can. Talk with someone who knows where they will spend the rest of eteternity, and I pray your heart will melt with God's love wrapped all around you. And you can feel HIS goodness straight from His heart to yours. I'm going to read the rest of the book, but I have a feeling, nothing will ever match what Don Piper expereinced and has written about. And I will hold onto HIS promise of eternal life, and a home in Heaven, and will praise God for taking care of His child, Carol Michelle, the one I held briefly and know she is safe for all time in His care!
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