Why am I blogging?

My daughter's smile is the lovely one you see above! I love to see people smile! Maybe that is why ...I like to capture smiles or snapshots of things that make others smile with my camera. I know we can't go through every minute of life with a smile but I hope that even when life is hard we can have a peace that others will notice and desire. My blog initially started as a way to honor my mom and her great outlook on life. She died in May 2010 from cancer. I don't think I can ever due justice to her life but I hope I can live my life in a way that would make her proud. The one other great privilege I have had is to be Carol Hensley Singletary's mother. She was our only child and she died suddenly on Feb .27, 2013. She was 19 years old. Her zest for life, her smile and her loving personna is missed by many, but none more than by her husband of just 6 months, Cooper. We carry on by grace and faith in God, and will look for any means to smile while we are left here on this earth for some reason by God. What I would give just to see the beautiful smile of my mom and daughter again! I know without a doubt I will someday, but until then I am going to try and praise my God and King in the life's good days and through life's pains. And i'm sharing here ...in hopes that you will smile with me. judy!

Monday, February 15, 2016

A Need to Know or a Need to Blame Someone for Columbine?

The other evening,  I watched a TV show with Diane Sawyer interviewing the mother of one of the Columbine shooters, Dylan Klebold. This happened in 1999 and brought about all  kinds of security changes to schools around the country.

I found this show very unsettling.  The main reason I felt this way is Mrs. Klebold really did not have to do the interview, and she kept being asked "Is there anything you could have done to have prevented the tragedy that day?"  Why is it we have to have somebody to blame for everything bad that happens?   This mother, in my opinion, did what she knew with the facts at hand before her son walked the halls with another boy, Eric Harris, killing 14 and injuring over 20 more people.  The two who went on this rampage, were also friends and in the end took their own lives.  I am sure that Dylan's mother has thought many times in almost 20 years "Did I overlook  something?  Could I have done something?" She is like millions of other mothers of teens who face changes in attitudes that may be mental instability,  peer stress or raging hormones.  It does not seem to me that she did anything to influence her son to turn to a 'dark side' and become part of the killing, angry two-some that walked into their own high school and wanted to harm so many.

If seems to me in asking Mrs. Klebold 'why' that  her own grief is  ignored.  Her own grief of losing her son.   Losing him in more ways besides death.  She was asked if her son was mentally disturbed, and she replied that she did not think so.  All these questions that I am sure this woman, this mother would like to answer with assurance to those who suffered that day.  But does it really give any of them a better feeling knowing 'why'?   To some it may, to others not.  Do any of them see an anguish from which she  still suffers-- the death of her son?  Her son was not influenced by good, he was influenced by evil.  Not of her influence, but at the influence of a friend, Eric Harris.  

Even in my outrage at the tragedy I can empathize with her.   I think she has figured it out right when she said "I did not kill these people, Dylan did."  And I am sure her life since that day has been tortuous and filled with untold grief.

The thing that bothers me is that it seems like our country is so needy to place blame but not so eager to look for a cure for the cause of these tragedies.   Some say gun control would help while others may promote a "no-bully"atmosphere.  AS in everything in life, it works best when there is a balance--if such can ever be found.  

I would like to share with you an experience I had many years ago that resonates with me as I think about this show that I watched.   I would call it one of the most powerful times I have ever  been fortunate to experience.  One day at the church my husband and I attended, our Sunday School teacher asked if we could join the older married couples class.  I would say that Bill  and I were married for 15 years at the time.   Our teacher asked the older couples in the class to share their greatest regret in life.   I recall looking around and seeing many couples that that I greatly respected because of their Godly life that they lived.   And you know what?  Almost all of them, I would say 9 out of 10 said something like "I wish my kid had not ......."  filled in with many different life events that you know just tore theirs hearts in two.  Divorce, drugs, caught driving while drunk, financial disaster, abortion, unfaithfulness, and on and on.  All of these people raised their kids in church.  So what made their children rebel?

In one statement, I can say it seemed to me, these kids of the couples at church, got hooked up with the wrong kind of friends.  And it didn't matter how much their parents begged, pleaded, punished or otherwise tried to point them the right way, they choose their own way.  That is not to say that at that time and later on, that they did not learn something from their mistakes.  Life is a grand test and the only way we can learn is from our mistakes.  As parents we can pray for our kids to find friends who have the same morals they do, and if they make some mistake it would be small with great learnings from it.

It turns out that Dylan's friend was obsessing about guns and playing video games that had violence in them.  These young men were looking for power to overcome a perception that they developed from others who may have rejected them, taunted them, and such.  An FBI agent who studies these types of killings by young people said that very often they make good grades, come from a good and respectable home, and that they gravitate to violent videos to feel powerful.  And what is the ultimate power?  To take someone's  life against their will.

It seems to me it might be worth a social experiment to see if doing good for others and feeling a sense of accomplishment from many people around us, that we might then start appreciating life instead of hating someone else's enough to take it from them.  And sure, let's try gun control with  balanced controls realizing that no system is fool-proof.  And can we not find another way of  occupying our childrens' minds besides 'shoot to kill' games and predatory movies?  And some general education about mental illness for everyone might help too.

We have got to start "loving our neighbor as ourselves".   It seems so simple  Let's try and not complicate it too much.  I don't know...maybe I am way outta the loop.  Tell me what you think!

Judy
2/2016

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